motivation

ahhh. I'm writing this smelling like delicious menthol I just rubbed all over my legs, and I can't stop thinking how satisfied I am with this awful pain from running today. I did 5 miles (on the treadmill, yes, because I am spoiled and don't like to run in the weird Texas weather!) training for this half marathon is probably the only thing that's keeping me sane, and focused, and I'm reallyyyy enjoying it. I didn't run for a couple of days, which is probably why I'm hurting a little more today than I should be, BUT I think it's also because I realized something, something pretty big. I used to work out because I wanted to feel good, but only because I felt good when others told me they were seeing changes. today, as I was running trying to think of things to motivate me I couldn't find that 'cute boy I wanted to look good for' I couldn't picture my favorite jeans not fitting (because I fit into my goal jeans now, WOOOOO!!!) I wasn't running for time, or distance, I was just running to see I guess how far I would go. Which means I could stop at any point right? As I was thinking of something to motivate me to at least finish mile 3 I thought, I'm doing this because it feels good, because I like the  way I feel when I run, and after my work out, and when I eat right, and especially because I will feel accomplished when I'm done with 13.1 miles. for the first time I was my ONLY motivation. and that felt soooo good. 

I found this quote on pinterest.com and I thought I had understood it, but after tonight, I think I reallllly understand it! 

so moving on, the holidays are quiiiiiickly approaching, which I'm a bit scared of because I don't want to fall off my workouts, but I think I enjoy them so much that I will be okay :) I've also made up my mind that I CAN eat whatever I want on Thanksgiving because I've been realllllyyy good with portions lately, and I know that my body is now doing a VERY good job of screaming at me every time I don't "eat right" so I'm not going to stress. I'll eat what I'll eat. I also have a feeling that since finals is coming up I will be super careful on eating the right 'brain foods' and because my time is going to be so scheduled, I will be forced to eat well balanced meals instead of just on the go fast food. (which I haven't really craved much lately) I have two Thanksgivings to go to this year...I'm going to my friend Dess' (soon to be my comadre ;) haha aka I will be her son's godmommaaaa :):) and then off with my parents to our friends house which I'm sure will be super fun!
I'm broke this year so no Black Friday for me...wahhh :( :(  but that's okay. 

but before all of this happens, Amanda and I will be doing our own little Turkey Trot...we're going running...outside! wahhh! but I just need to push through because the half is NOT inside so I just need to get over my weird fear/I don't know what else to call it of running outside and just do it! 

Hopefully I'll take some good Thanksgiving pictures and will be able to post them on here, especially how lovely I will look after running outside AND hills...two things I don't do very often AT ALL. stay tuned! :) 

I have a few questions, and you can email me or tell me in private or of course, post in the comment section...but what motivates you? do you have any specific songs that just get you going? what do you do on those days you're just 'not feeling' a work out? 

...and then life happens.

So let's all talk about how I never post on this thing! I get so mad at myself because the writer in me always has all these ideas on what to post and how I want to write everything I've been experiencing lately, yet when I finally get in front of the computer it's to do homework or after that I'm so tired I just want to be on pintrest and watch some shows on hulu. haha so then I have to put 60 things in a nutshell for this. 


nutshell numero uno: DISNEYWORLD! wooo!!! we drove. for 17 hours. yayyyy. but we finally made it to Orlando! My friend Amber and I went and we stayed with her friend (Josh) that lives there so that was nice. I met most of his roommates and his gf, and everyone was really nice and just down to earth people so I REALLY enjoyed that! I got to see my best friend from Mexico that I hadn't seen in more than 10 years so that was SUPER SUPER AWESOME! We had so much fun at the parks...meeting Mickey and all, but OF COURSE I think the funnest was when we all went to EPCOT! because MY favorite to do there is drink around the world! hahaha Josh's roommates met up with us there. You can see the pictures in my Orlando album on facebook. :) 


and this is where "life happened" when we got back from Disney, a mom that I babysit for offered me a live in nanny position, and although I had thought about it before, I just thought it wasn't for me but this time was little different. I decided I needed to grow my own wings, so I did.... and now I am so happy. SOOO much has been going wrong in my life lately that I figured why not change things up a little and just take a leap of faith? sometimes I fall flat on my face, and that's ok, but with this one, I had a realllly good feeling about it so here I am, writing from my new room :) hehe This mom and these kids have seriously been my angels sent from above. I hate to pick ''favorites" with all my kids, because I find them all extra cute and awesome and unique in their own little way, but let me tell you that these 3 little ones are so funny, and our personalities really 'click' if you want to say that...so I won't say they are my favorites, but...well...I am in love with them!!:) :) haha 


moving on to nutshell numero tres. (dos was moving)
it kind of goes with 'life happening'. Everyone knows I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it really is there for anyone to do what they please with it. I like that about me because that's one thing I learned: to be open to changes, possibilities, new relationships, new friendships, etc... yea yea, that all sounds so goooood. yet, I know that me wearing my heart on my sleeve also makes me open to heartache and my feelings being hurt, but now I've realized that that is part of life. I have to get up and learn from whatever life is throwing at me. the one thing I have learned these past couple of weeks is that I can be the NICEST person to EVERYONE and that doesn't mean that mean, nasty people aren't going to come around me. My feelings were really, really hurt by someone who was special to me, and yes it hurts and I am (still) sad about it, but I'm hoping it will get better. I know there's a reason why this curve ball was thrown at me...and I am also trying REALLY hard to be patient about it to see WHY it was thrown. speaking of balls....my twin Vanessa (not really twins from birth but I swear we are the same person in almost every aspect!) had to get me out of my house and out of my sad mood, so we went and watched Hardball with Brad Pitt, and I recommend that to EVERYONE :) :) 
This also reminds me of one more thing that life has reminded me is SUPER important: when you are going through a rough patch, it's easy to go in a little shell and not come out, and soak in your misery.DON'T. there REALLY are people out there who care more about you than you can imagine. I never knew the kind of friends I had because I was always the one bending over backwards but never let anyone in to do the same thing for me. A few friends finally broke my wall down and basically let themselves in because they knew I needed help, and I am more grateful for them, than words can explain. These people see the real me and love me for who I am and are convinced that I deserve a good life. and thankfully, they are willing to stick by me until I accept that for myself. I am forever grateful that I found that support system. You know who you guys are. I love you until the end of forever. <3 <3 


okay, promise my next post will:
1. be soon. 
2. not be so sappy and sad and emotional. 
3.be about my adventures with these kiddoes! :) :) 


and one last thing, SMILE. to anyone and everyone and at all times. The guy changing my oil this morning said to me "I need people like you to work for me, we need people like you all over the world" I asked why and he said "because for the hour that you were here I didn't see you NOT smile ONCE. I've never seen anyone so happy at an oil change place and you made the other 5 people in there smile too' this made me realize that if I can make someone just SMILE with my (half ass smile I'm sure I had because I really do feel beat down inside) then think of how many people we can ALL make REALLLLLLLY smile when we do that?! think about it and then... SMILE. 




<3, M

blessed.

sighhhh* I can't stop thinking how incredibly blessed I have felt lately. I have seriously been blessed with some amazing people in my life. so lets catch up. 

school started. woohoo! there were some road blocks I had to conquer for this semester but everything ended up the way He wanted it. It wasn't my perfect schedule but I have def learned that MY perfect schedule really is a big joke to God, and I'm okay with that :) 

My "kids" are simply perfect. Another aspect in which I have been blessed in! Last Friday I got to watch one of my littlest ones try eating by himself in the high chair for the first time. I was so amazed how quickly kids pick up things! and his brother was like "watch this" and showing him how he should pick it up and put it in his mouth. He's only 2, yet he already knows that he has a role in teaching his little bro, amazing, again :) 

What I really wanted to make this entry about though is really how awesome His love is and how I know that I have guardian angels that are guiding me the way He wants me to go. For example, last semester I was in this drawing class and it was at the worst time ever. especially on a Friday. but I got a good grade on it, but to top it off I met a great girl there that I call my "twin" because we literally have so much in common. She's quickly become one of my best friends and I KNOW for a fact she was meant to be part of my life (and I know will be in it for forever, as cheesy as that sounds haha) With this whole growing up thing I have been faced with a lot of people basically "pushing me over" yes, I just called myself a push over, it's ok. I've embraced it, and because I think I would rather let things go instead of standing my ground- most of the time. The road blocks and headaches that have been put in front of me with friends have really helped shape me. Even though I have lost some friends in that process, I still don't regret it because it taught me that sometimes we have to get negative out of our lives, and although it may hurt at first, I know it's what I needed to do. 

I'm in such an awesome stage of life right now, I feel like graduation is going to sneak up on me, I feel like it's in forever but it won't. I'm so excited about the half marathon in Disney in February, working out like this has seriously changed my life. I've surrounded myself with awesome people and I can't help but thank God for putting them in my life. Super excited about this semester, lets see what it has in store for me! :) 

what reality TV has taught me.

I love watching TV! it's no secret, and I'm not ashamed to admit it :) I love, love, love that there are things such as DVR and Hulu for me to keep up with it all! Reality TV is everywhere now, and I am definitely a sucker for it! But last week, 2 shows really actually taught me something! I'm a little ashamed to tell you the two of them because I think they are my worst guilty pleasure, but here I go....Real Housewives of OC and The Bachelorette. okay, you can stop laughing now.  :) 


First, Housewives. I know it's reality and I don't believe everything, but it's entertaining television, it's sort of like a train wreck you know, you can't stop watching. In this particular episode, the season finale, there is no way Vicki's emotions are false. The poor woman is going through a divorce. She cries because she is in her bathroom and his toothbrush is still there, anytime anyone says his name she starts crying again, and as soon as you think she's going to stop crying, feelings take over again and she starts crying, basically over anything and nothing. My heart aches for her! I know I have never been through a divorce, but I have been through heartache, and lost loves, and that's exactly how I have felt in the past. I admit I am an emotional person and I cry as easily as I laugh and as much as I text (aka, A LOT) Except with heartache I always thought, why the hell do I cry over any little thing that remind me of him? and I would tell my self I was dumb. Vicki showed me that I am not the only one who does that. Watching the episode was so, so sad, but I know that she is a strong woman and will be able to overcome all of it. to read more, here is Vicki's blog


Moving on, The Bachelorette. oooooh man. Bentley! BENTLEY! if I was asked to describe in a nutshell the type of guys I've dated I would describe most of them as a "Bentley" 
Here's the link if you'd like to watch the episode week 3-Bentley Here's Ashley (Bachelorette) so in lust with this guy, she's eating up all the bs he's feeding her, and in the interviews (that Ashley doesn't get to see until the show airs) Bentley says numerous times how he wishes it was someone else as the bachelorette, and how Ashley's not really his type. Now, I know that production probably knew about this but decided to put him on because it would make good tv (and it does) but I'm glad they did, now I don't feel like I am the only stupid one who eats up everyone's sweet nothings and "has a good feeling about this one" while the guy is being a douche seeing what he can get out of me. Even when she was crying on him when he decided to tell her he was leaving (which he used his child as an excuse by the way, WHAT A PIG) he made a nasty comment on the position they were in (she was straddling him while hugging him) that he "wanted to get some then" PIG. again. watch the episode, you will see it ALL and will want to hate him :) 


I watch reality TV because for the most part, a lot of it is true. I giggle at the corny dates on bachelorette and the funny drama there is on it sometimes, but I do believe peoples feelings are real. I mean, actors have to feel something when they are playing a part, so why would normal people be able to leave their feelings at the door? that's my reasoning behind "real feelings on reality tv" I know a lot of it is fake, and a lot is taken out of context to make a good show, and it works! haha 
I think I'm going to write a blog once a week on shows. So You Think You Can Dance has started and I am hooked already! and I started Parks & Recreation so I am LOVING Netflix for that! 


I hope everyone enjoys my deep dark secrets coming out about my guilty pleasures and how much I connect with these silly shows, it took a lot of guts for me to put this out there, so I hope you guys can relate, or at least got a good laugh! 


Happy Wednesday everyone! <3




ooh! and I almost forgot! Gretchen, my favorite Housewife, said something in one of her interviews about her relationship: "sometimes love isn't enough" and "I'm in love but I'm not in love and stupid" these two quotes, ahhh, I have really fallen in love with them. Just wanted to put them out there :) 

changes, changes, changes! (and many, many thanks)

So, first of all I really need to change the name of this blog! I laugh every time I read the word "babies" first haha. people are probably thinking that I am like this 30 year old who is obsessed with having kids! and ooh how times have changed! yes, I still love babies, but goodness has this summer been an eye-opener! I have realized I can wait to have a family, and do all the family things, I need to focus on me first. Which brings me to my second change:
I.Lost.My.Planner.Today. ahhh! this is the first year that I have actually bought a planner and have used almost every month in it! It was a school year planner so guess what? I get a new one in July! Now, the fact that I am excited about this/ freaking out I couldn't find my planner is HUGE! I looked for it and decided I would just wait for my mom to get home and I would ask her...I couldn't! I tried to sit back and enjoy my show but I just kept getting up and looking for it, I was having a panic attack! This is such a huge change for me because I am usually not that organized. I've kept my room clean for almost 3 weeks straight now and that means the world. To all of you that know me, be proud! haha (my car is still a work in progress, but it's cleaner that usual, hehe) 
next change: heartbreak. again. woooooop! story of my life. and you would think I learned my lesson with these dumb men I meet, and I do, but this one in particular has taught me a lot- to embrace my passion. I always say I'm passionate about everything I do, but when it comes to love, when it comes to showing someone how much I admire them, how much I appreciate them, I go above and beyond. That's when I set myself up for heartbreak, but I have learned to embrace that too. And although some guys may run away from that, it's not going to make me change. I know that someone will love me for that, someone will be able to appreciate my passion and just take it. I don't give to receive I give for the simple pleasure of giving. the pleasure of knowing that I have made it clear to you that you made an impact in my life and I give thanks for that.


now for the thanking part.  I can't put into words how truly blessed I am to have fallen in the hands of amazing parents wanting me to take care of their children. It started it out with about 3 moms who happened to go to the same hair dresser, which happens to be a good friend of mine and MY hair dresser too and those 3 moms have given my number to moms and moms and it has just been this chain reaction that I could have NEVER imagined. I'm not only grateful that they recommend me because of course that means WORK! but it goes beyond that. I had a mom email me this:

Also, just emailed my 'mom friend' this (about you):

Ok, random, but i had to tell someone that would appreciate it. Not only did she coax M out of his room (after he realised his mean witch of a mother was gone.) but she fed them all lunch, cleaned up everything...and when i got home, E was up.  She (Mariana) told me that she had checked E's temp before naptime b/c she felt hot. She said E had a temp of 99 so she didn't think it was an emergency to call me. She checked it AGAIN when E woke up just to make sure it was going down.  She is only 21!!! She's going to be an awesome mom ;)  Anyhow, that was random.....but i know my husband won't really appreciate that, just another mom.

this brought tears to my eyes, along with every phone call I get from a "new mom" telling me how so and so gave them my number and they have heard only the best things about me. I cry and feel so humbled after every single call. This is what I'm talking about being passionate, these people know how much I absolutely adore their children and the fact that they allow me (and trust me enough) to come into their homes and watch their most precious treasures just truly makes me continue to have that drive in me. I've literally never felt this way before, so humble and grateful. Grateful to them, and most important, praising God for this wonderful lesson, and this wonderful opportunity to spend my summer doing what I love. 

I hope all this inspires someone. 

If your timid about something, but you know you are so great at it-go for it.

If you're heartbroken, take time to heal, yes, but don't dwell on what you cannot fix. Learn from it, embrace it, and move forward. 

Love, 

M

ooohh Schertz, Texas!

So today was JR's graduation...my friend Jossie's younger brother. Today was such a sweet day in so many ways. One, because I see JR as the younger brother I never had. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know and he has allllwayyys shown that even when Jossie and I were mean to him. haha It was also sweet because Jossie and I hadn't hung out in a while and I consider them more than friends, they are family. We've known each other since I was in 6th grade and we have been bffs ever since. and I keep saying we because when I think of them it's everyone, mom dad jr and jossie. Jossie's mom might as well be my mom! but the deep deep reason I was inspired to blog today? GROWTH. 

This morning I was at a swim meet babysitting and I happened to see a football coach from my old high school and his family, I babysat his two boys and I just couldn't get over how much they had grown! and then the day just kept being filled with everyone growing. I sat at the graduation I thought I didn't know anyone but like 3 people graduating, turns out I was wrong! As I heard last names being called out, I was recognizing them and Jossie (who had been in highschool when these Seniors were coming in as sophomores) would be like "yes that's so and so's little brother/sister." I was sooo surprised because the kids walking the stage were my friends little brother or sister that I would see when I went to my friends when I was in like 5th and 6th grade or so. now they were graduating! it def made me feel old, but then also it got me thinking of good ol Schertz, Texas. the place we all "hated" and "wanted to get out of" I see it now and it really is a nice place to live in and we were all very lucky to have grown up in a small town that cared so much about each other, no matter what drama was going on. It made me really appreciate it! it's kind of sad because Schertz isn't my "home" anymore since my parents moved to San Antonio (I still say im from there though hehe) It made me go back to the day I left high school, and even though I graduated "because I couldn't be in high school one more year" I don't regret it, I just think about the Mariana back then, the one who wanted to conquer the world one kindergarner at a time. Now I have changed my major, but have fallen in love more with kids than I think I ever would have if I stayed in my education major. weird I know. The Mariana that had a huge heart and wasn't afraid to show it, I was an open book for the world to read. and now, I little more timid than I used to be at 18, a little more reserved when it comes to my heart, and I surely don't smile as often as I did back then. So now, I'm inspired to light that spark again, to be so innocent and ready to live and eager to see what was next in life. 

Schertz now holds a more special place in my heart. Last night I was talking with friends and the only reason why we were even friends is because we were introduced by people that went to our high school, even though we are years apart. That's how small this town is, everyone just meshes in. I used to see that as horrible, but I see a new beauty in it now. It's like this weird love-hate bond. I can't imagine my life without all the people I met there, and even to this day, I meet people because "they are so and so's cousin/brother/sister/etc who went to Clemens"(our high school). 

Thank you so much Schertz, Texas. For the wonderful memories, for the amazing friends I made ever since I was 7, (and that we are still in touch now, even if they moved, because of wonderful technology) for the "small town feeling" I've never felt anywhere else, for the times I rolled my eyes and said "oooh Schertz", for all the drama, all the tears, and all the laughs.  

Dirty.Sexy.Money.

I probably need to make myself blog at LEAST once a week because It's so hard to gather ALL my thoughts and put them together when it's been so long! anyway I know today I want to write about all my new little obsessions :) 

Starting with the tittle of this post. Dirty.Sexy.Money is a show starring Peter Krause (I love him in Parenthood also, which is why I started watching in the first place!) So hulu "recommends" the show to me, I see that "full seasons" are available so I get super excited, I watch the pilot episode and I'm hooked! this was about a week ago...watched the whole first season in about 2 days and I realize that I am getting closer to the end of the episodes posted..I see that the last episode aired August of 2009....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH so now I'm hooked on this show, I'm so excited about what's going on and then I realize there will be no more :( wahh! anyway, I still think it's a pretty entertaining show, so here's the link http://www.hulu.com/search?query=Dirty+Sexy+Money&st=1&fs= and it also made me fall in love with actress Natalie Zea :)

Moving on,everyone knows I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift, not because of her pop status, but because her song writing is magnificent. Well, I've recently become quiet obsessed with a few other female singers. We can start with KATY PERRY! gahhh her sense of humor cracks me up, I bought her new CD and I fell in love with every single song the first time I heard them. So I went back and got her 1st CD, and again, discovered that one was magnificent also :) I do have to say that I hadn't jumped on the Katy bandwagon yet because of her very first single, I Kissed a Girl, but I just love her so much now that I can forgive one song :) 

Next: ADELE ahhhh. I watch American Idol and one of my favorites, Haley Reinhart sang Rolling in the Deep and I loved the lyrics, so naturally, I googled :) and I found out Adele sang it,  so I googled that, and VOILA! I realized I had heard her sing Make You Feel My Love http://youtu.be/0put0_a--Ng  

Im obsessed with Rolling in the Deep and once I buy her CD, I'm sure I will be in love with everything else. Her website is actually pretty entertaining also. go visit! http://www.adele.tv/

and I was saving the best for last: SHAKIRA :)  I bought her new CD, Sale el Sol, when it first came out because I don't ever flinch when she puts out a new CD, I am there that day, never fails! fell in love with that, so I went back to her old stuff and I realize just how genius she is! I was younger when I first heard her old stuff, and I liked it back then too, but now that I'm older all her lyrics, and the way she produces the songs, and just everything all around, I am in awe of her. I have been listening to her youtube channel while I write this and I keep clicking back to the actual videos because they just sound so fun, and I find myself with a huge smile on my face just watching her perform! (a lot of the videos are live) which also reminds me of one time when she came to San Antonio on tour, my mom and I were driving back from dance practice and there was so much traffic because her show was that night, my mom was like well let's go see how much tickets are, so we went, and she bought them, out of the blue! I love that memory because I remember being so surprised that my mom would do that for me because she knew how much I loved her and also, how much fun we had at the show, especially because we had reallllyyy awesome seats!

Anyway, that is all for now, I'm having a lazy Tuesday because it's my last day to be "lazy" since finals start next week! eek! my "lazy" day will consist of a take home final, and working on two paintings, but I get to call it lazy mainly because I don't have to drive anywhere, and probably more because I don't have to wear a bra! haha hasta la vista! <3

first post, finally!

wohooo! I made this blog like 3 months ago and I'm finally getting around to my first entry! 

probably because I actually feel like I have my thoughts semi-organized. 

this week was really rough but I've learned a lot from it. But I guess I should start by last week which is why this week was kind of rough. Last week was spring break, woooo! and ive never been one to want to go to south padre and get crazy drunk and all that spring break stuff, but this year, I figured I deserved a vacation and a friend and I had been talking about me going to visit so I figured this break would be the perfect opportunity. we will call him, mystery man. which is for a lot of reasons. His subtleness about everything amazes me. I'm not a subtle person, if something is bothering me, ill tell you. if i think something im usually thinking it out loud. so maybe that's why his subtle ways of telling me things or the way he does things makes me crazy in such a great way. and we will also call him mystery man because I'm not sure what we are right now and I think we're trying to lay low for a while,which I'm fine with. anyway,  we had such a good time at this beach- Mexico Beach, Fl- it's beautifullllll,  it has a small town, quiet, feeling which I think we both fell in love with, because we couldn't stop talking about it. I was there for a few days and leaving was so hard, but I left knowing that I wasn't insane when I thought there was chemistry between us and of course, put a smile on my face when he mentioned that he wanted me back soon. 
BUT THENNNNN  I came back to reality.(we've moved on to this week now...) to the same ol routine of school and work and being broke and dealing with-life. and then I realized I turned into the biggest girl ever. I over analyze things like no other. to the point where I convinced myself mystery man hated me...when in reality, I hadn't even talked to him besides on my way home when he was making sure my 12 hour drive wasnt getting to me. and that thing that drives me crazy about all this over thinking is that I KNOW how he is, I know he doesn't feel like he should be up anyone's ass. I know how he feels about me. He's told me and I know that to him, that's that and he shouldn't have to tell me every 5 minutes...and I don't want him to. but at the same time I am constantly thinking the worst things. i hate it. but I think I'm getting better at it. I hate how much of a girl I'm being, but at the same time it kinda makes me realize he's shaping me into the girl that actually cares for once, and that hasn't happened in a loooong time. excuse me...where did the single-lovin- me go?! ughhhh! 

on another note, my babiesssssssssss :) I realize how much I love being a nanny. I love kids, and I would love to have some, but I used to think I wanted them as of yesterday. Now, I realize I have the best of both worlds right now and I can wait a while for my own. especially because when we were eating dinner one night it was nice and quiet then they sat a family with kids at the table next to us and all of a sudden I found myself thinking..."where did my quiet dinner go?! and I want it back!"  this scared me a little...i have NEVER minded kids being loud at a restaurant....and this time I did! but I learned to accept it, and I think it's just my grown up mind coming in and realizing I want to explore and live and I can have kids for the rest of  my life so why start so soon? and even though my kids truly make my day every day I get to hang out with them, and even when they are cranky and screaming I don't mind...Im glad I have the best of both worlds. 

I know I ranted a lot in this blog, and I promise I will get better at it, I think I just needed to get those first few thoughts out first and then I will turn into the editor I am in my next entries! 

now I'm off to bed from a lazy saturday of a lot of thinking, and painting, and crying....how therapeutic! I will work on stopping my over thinking and my love-hate relationship with screaming kids! haha we'll talk soon!